hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
