there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
