i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
