i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
