so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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