She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
