im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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