Yo dont text me then not text me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
