I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
