My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
