Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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