I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
