nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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