I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
