Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I smell like Dick and happiness
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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