my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Life is so much better after having sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
