his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
