I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
