I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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