I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
