Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
