how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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