so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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