I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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