I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
