I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
