your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
