I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
