I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
