yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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