Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
