bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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