Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
