some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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