Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
