I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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