I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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