I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
