I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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