can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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