Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
