god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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