this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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