my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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