I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
