He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
