Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
