Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
