Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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