you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
