I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Shame - the story of my life.
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