We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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