I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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