it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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