first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
