I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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