The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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