I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
