You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
