they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
