This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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