seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
