i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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